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This Is (Hopefully, Possibly, Maybe) The Year

It’s the last day of 2017, and like so many others, I’m reflecting on the past 364 days. I had my first health scare, which led to my first surgery, which led to giving God my worry about the situation and, for the first time, not trying to take it back. I became a grandmother for the first time on Thanksgiving day. After years of research and planning, I went to Virginia where my great, great, great grandparent’s lived, visited their gravesite, found the site of their old paper mill, and stood in front of their beautiul federal style home. I said goodbye to several loved ones, hello to several new ones, watched a few struggle, and rejoiced with many others. This year, as every year before, was jammed packed with the craziness of life. And as I have on every December 31 of my adult life, I feel blessed. God is merciful, loving, and kind, and even when I can’t see it, he is bestowing blessing upon blessing upon blessing.

This time last year I sat at this very desk, on this very computer, drafting what I intended to be my first blog post. I started this account in August of 2016, but let it sit, sad and blank, for four months. I do this with a lot of stuff, to be honest. Mostly out of self-doubt and fear of failure. I mean, let’s be honest, no one starts a blog without the hope that at least a handful of people will read it! I spent longer than I want to admit staring at this draft screen, writing, editing, deleting, then writing again, before I decided it was all a waste of time because I had nothing to say that anyone would care to hear. And it has sat, still sad and empty, for a year. Another victim of my deep-rooted feelings of inadequacy and fear of rejection.

However, about a year ago I also started posting pictures of my cards and other paper goodies more consistently on Instagram, the only social media site I regularly use, and slowly but surely started getting likes and follows from other card makers, and occasionally from stamp companies. I admire a lot of these ladies greatly, so it was a huge confidence booster, and I would get the urge to really try to get this blog going. But the same old negative feelings (and pure laziness) would kick in, and I would forget about it. I’ve gone through the same cycle over, and over, and over, with the end result being no blog posts and wasted money. I think part of this ridiculousness has been brought on by the fact that there are so many amazing paper crafting blogs and YouTube channels out there that are owned by some super talented people, and I know I’ll never have the time it takes to put out such near perfect media. And, being fairly new to this hobby, I don’t have the skills or talent that so many do. Because of this, I’ve felt like there was nothing I could contribute that would be of any worth, only subpar redundancy. I even contemplated going in a totally different direction with this blog, but nothing else would make much sense with the title!

Then, about four months ago, I reconnected with an old friend. She had just become interested in scrapbooking (something I don’t have time or patience for), and was somewhat overwhelmed by it all. Over several long and animated conversations, I told her all I could about the basics of card making and how she could apply it to scrapbooking. Once she gets a few simple scrapbooks finished, we plan to get together so I can show her the “fancier” stuff, like metal dies, embossing powder, and texture paste. It felt good to not only help someone sort out a new hobby, but to share something I’m passionate about with someone who was as excited about it as I am (none of my family or friends care one whit about paper crafts of any kind). That made me remember that the reason I wanted to start this blog was to be a part of a community of people who love the same thing I do. It doesn’t matter if my blog is ever put together perfectly, or if I never start a YouTube channel (although I’d really like to tackle that soon!), or if I only ever have one reader who isn’t a friend or family member. I just want to talk about how giddy heavyweight cardstock makes me (extremely), how I wear inky fingers with pride (rainbow hands!), and how much anxiety trying to pick out just one new stamp set to buy causes me (lots!). Maybe no one will ever read a word I type. Maybe a few will read a few words, roll their eyes, and find something better to waste their time on. But maybe, just maybe, a few of you fellow paper crafters will find this and discover that our pathological love for paper and ink is enough to keep you interested in my crazy ramblings. And they will be mostly crazy. I can guarantee it.

So, here is what I have planned for any of you kindred spirits that may come my way: absolutely nothing. As in, I currently don’t have the time or mental focus to sit down and plan out weeks ahead. I intend to keep this mostly on the crafty side, whether it be tutorials, crafty hauls, or just my thoughts about the current goings on in the card making world. However, I can’t guarantee there won’t be some other random stuff thrown in. I’ll try to keep it creative and interesting! I’ll try my best to make this all look more inviting, but so far WordPress editing is kicking my butt. I’m not much of a tech person. It’s really sad, actually. Like, my 75 year old dad has a better handle on it than me. I really would like to start a YouTube channel as well, but again, not the most tech savvy. And I’m from central Arkansas – of all the southern accents out there, mine is probably one of the least pleasant. I’m not sure anyone will want to hear me ramble on in my R heavy accent. But we’ll see. I’m done with talking myself out of trying to do all the things I want to do. Hopefully. Possibly. Maybe.

So, as I hear the cheerful tune coming from the dryer, hinting that my clothes are currently dry and wrinkle free and will stay that way if I put them away this minute, I’m going to finish this up and hit “post” before I chicken out. My stomach is in knots, but this is the year I write for me and all my potential new paper hoarding friends!